Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
