As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
