everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
