he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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