I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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