Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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