I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The uberlube is also flammable
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
