This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
