gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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