hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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