He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
