Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
