we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
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