if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
