I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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