I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
