maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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