you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
