i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
