i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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