he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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