I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
