Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
