i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
