so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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