We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
COCAINE IS GR8
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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