last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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