I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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