he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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