At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize