Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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