Where is the hickey?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
