Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
