dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
