saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
