When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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