Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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