i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
