awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
