MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize