Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
