my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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