can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
