He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
