we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
