u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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