That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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