Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
