3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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