sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
