apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
