she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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