The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
