Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
