Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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