Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
