When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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