woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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