hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
