yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
