I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
