My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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