So drunk its hurt
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
