I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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