I hope mine doesn't look like that
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
