I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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