Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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